Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Why live music is for people with limited skills.

Everybody knows and remembers their first time. You never forget it. It is a memory of excitement, nerves and most likely moisture in some capacity.  There is nothing quite like getting intimately involved with a mass of unknown eager people ready to shed clothing and get all kinds of physical in the name of a music concert.

What did you think I was talking about?

My first proper gig (I don't include any live music where I was accompanied by my mum as the first one) was Oasis way back in 1997. September 16th in fact, up in Aberdeen. It was bloody brilliant (even though we can question the music of Oasis at times).

Now this blog is not about Jamie's first live music experience (he can't remember). No it is more to do with the fact that he dislikes live music. Well he doesn't dislike it, he just thinks that everyone that attends gigs are stupid.

Cue Jamie;

"Music in my mind is a passive activity. It is the kind of thing you listen to without really listening to it. You have it on in the background whilst you are doing something else."

I have stopped being shocked by Jamie's announcements in the pub now. What usually occurs is that I choke ever so slightly on the pint that I am slugging on and then let out a short, burst of laughter. Once these side affects have cleared, it is time to get more information from the good man. He continues...

"From a young age, I developed the skill to multi-task. This gives me the power to do at least two things at once. I don't need to watch the music that I am listening to being performed by some drug riddled band. Seems bloody stupid to just stand there and watch some people bang out music. What a waste of time. I can drive my car and listen to music at the same time. Way more efficient."

You should be learning by now that arguing with Jamie, though fun is pointless. But I like fun so here goes; "What about the atmosphere, the fact that music sounds so much better live than on the mp3 file you have downloaded. Festivals, booze, laughter all that and more from music"

Jamie: "Most of the gigs I have gone to is just being surrounded by pretty ugly people stinking of their own sweat. Glastonbury looks like a bunch of hippies that endlessly take drugs and stink. Oh and knowing my luck some twat will piss up my leg. Either that or I will get covered in piss from some idiot chucking it about. Or a pint of lager. What a waste of what will most likely be an overpriced and shit pint. But a pint none the less."

This contradicts slightly with the fact that he loves music videos. Preferably dance ones with hot pieces in them.

"Multi tasking again Penny. I can iron my shirts, whilst listening to the music, whilst watching some hot piece dance to the music"

Clearly some of us just don't have the skill set of Jamie.